self-image​.

Ok, so this is a hard topic. Most people have their own demons to battle when it comes to self-image, so why not make a post about it?

We are all human. Ever hear that girl you think is “perfect”, you know the girl you compare yourself to, complain about something you think makes her gorgeous? You know, the beautiful curly hair she wishes was straight or dimple on her cheek she wishes wasn’t there? All of us and I mean ALL of us are guilty.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I dislike myself because of my weight. My whole life I have been shopping in the plus size section. Well, I am here for a change. I don’t aspire to be a size 2 but I do aspire to LOVE MYSELF. 

I am so psycho that a few months ago I made the background on my phone “selfies” of myself from 2 years ago when I was at a much more likable weight. The reason behind this is so that multiple times a day I will see my pictures and fat shame myself. Maybe I won’t eat as much? Maybe I’ll go walk a lap around the building? I don’t know.

circa 2015

How stupid.

How could I think like that? It is so UN-healthy for my mental health.

So, anyways last weekend I changed my background to a more recent picture of me. Even though I am on this quest to get healthy and lose weight, I am also on a quest to love myself as previously stated. Whether that means loving myself at 500lbs or 100lbs. Okay, that’s a bit extreme but you get the point.

IMG_1724

I started wearing eyeliner to work. Yes, eyeliner. It is something that makes me feel good about myself. I have been trying to do more things that make me happy. Big or small. It’s time for ME. Oh, and I bought some new underwear. I have a little extra pep in my step and my life is just THAT much more put together when I have new underwear. Just me? Ok, moving on.

Today I saw something that said “she let herself go” and then said “NO. she let herself relax, she let herself eat, she let herself love, she let herself enjoy, she let herself open her mind, she let herself live and she let herself be”

That totally inspired this post. Remeber this. Don’t let anyone tell you that you “let yourself go”. Life is all about changes, good or bad. It is all about the journey.

I don’t ever want to look back at pictures and think “ew”. I know, that is a pretty big task. I mean I used to wear hot pink velour pants with a black turtleneck in high school. How I still had friends is a mystery. I want to get to a place where I look at my old pictures and think about how I am a beautiful person no matter what I look like.

Maybe I am being dramatic here because I do know that I am a beautiful person. I have amazing people in my life that love to tell me that all the time. I just need to be more confident and this is where I am starting. With a little positivity and a growing sense of self-awareness. 💕

 

 

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